This week has been interesting to say the least. I've changed/grown/learned so much in just a few days. These changes, however, have all been internal. Not a single person in my life would have been able to tell, which makes it such an interesting week.
It all began on Sunday, or did it end on Sunday. I'm not quite sure. I went to my last meeting for this group on my campus called A Place at the Table. It is a group for religious students on campus looking for a place to fit in. There were only four meetings. I had to leave early from the first and missed the next two. This made last Sunday my first and last full meeting. I am so glad I attended. I had been feeling so confused lately that I didn't even want to discuss my thoughts. Then out of nowhere, I felt I was ready to talk. I had learned a lot about myself. I feel no need to define my religious views to anyone, I felt proud of what I believed, and I had started to pray again. And that has made all the difference.
On Sunday I started to pray again. I had tried to start praying, but it hadn't been working. I felt dumb and upset when I prayed. Then I finally let loose. I let all the walls fall down and took a deep breath. My mind relaxed, and I felt the Spirit inside of me. I finally felt love again. I prayed for everyone I loved and cared about. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I really needed that.
Also, on Sunday I learned about this girl. She graduated from my college in '07. She was currently a week into a hunger strike. He dad, a human rights leader, had been taken hostage along with her uncle and brother-in-law. She was fasting until their release. She had gone to the hospital and refused IVs, so they sent her home. She was going to die for those she loved. Die. I couldn't believe it. I was so moved by this girl's strength. I prayed and prayed for her. She has since ended her hunger strike believing her voice to be more powerful than her death. She loved. She loved her family and her country so passionately. I think I hadn't seen that kind of love in such a long time that I was just so moved.
Anyway, with all these things going on, I started to pray more and love more. I took time out of my day to talk to God and love Him. I hadn't done that in so long. Today, is Good Friday. Since I was confused about religion at the beginning of Lent, I didn't sacrifice anything. I had felt it was a dumb tradition. I forgot the meaning of it. Sacrifice is an expression of love. It is a reminder that there is something more important than us. It is a way to walk in solidarity. Today, I am participating in a 24-hour hunger strike. It is to show my solidarity with those in Bahrain who are being oppressed by the government and those who are in being held.
Now, everything is starting to fall into place. I was stressed, sick, and sad yesterday. I called my mom in tears. She helped me, but I was so exhausted I just went to sleep. Now, today is a new day. It feel so empowered by my sacrifice, my love. I feel anew and excited about my newly development relationship. I know it will be clouded with ups and downs, but I don't care. It comes at a beautiful time in my life. It is Easter on Sunday and spring is here. I can't wait to love forever.
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